military aviation jokes

Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Learn from the mistakes of others. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Bad altitude. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 4. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. 42. Thats my wifes breast pump.. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 37. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. USA: Choppers A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. We were a tough group. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Because the Army needed heroes too. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. I will take the both of you for a ride. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. 32. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Co-Pilot: What?!. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Speed is life. 36. Looking for military boot camp jokes? From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Marine: Wait, stop. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? DeFrigNo! Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. He needed COVER! The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. No, we dont, she said. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Me: No, I dont. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. 9. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Chicago. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. 11. Caller: Sgt. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Divert your course NOW! There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? They cant seem to string three Ws together. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. We recommend our users to update the browser. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. She also liked her scotch. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? 13. It took the poor guy all day. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. 30. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. 2. 28. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I was the tallest guy in line. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Reply: No, I say again. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Ive been sandblasted.. 38. Me: No. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Takeoffs are optional. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Military jokes! Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. What do hungry Marines eat? What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? 10. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Pizza de Resistance The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. A drill serGENTLEMEN! As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience 12. Long Haul Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. A Recruiter Misled You. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. The reason? When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Stay out of clouds. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Pilots 5. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 11. Only one. Why Do We Celebrate It? Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 64. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. In-dough-structible Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. How tough? What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. More information More like this Fish Food. How much noise can we make up here? Me: Hello? Landings are mandatory. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. ", 55. I was very nervous, she said. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. (Hang up. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. A LOOtenant! She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Then came Dads ships turn. 7. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Caller: Do you have his right number? What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? He then made his way to my side. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 9. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.

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